What Might Have Happened (guest post - Chloe)
My name is Chloe, and I am part of Jade’s system. That picture is what I looked like when I was *younger,* by the way. I am writing a guest post for the blog today, until Jade is back in the saddle and ready to tackle writing about another topic.
On this blog, our system hasn’t and won’t focus much on the particulars of our own origin. But whether you are a new reader (welcome!) or one who has been reading for awhile (thanks!), I thought it might be helpful to take a quick time-out and tell you where we came from as a system. That, plus the fact that I couldn’t think of any other particularly interesting-sounding topics to write about today. :-/ I’m not much for being out, to be honest. I prefer to stay in. I’m a tech geek. I don’t usually write blog posts to try to appeal to (or educate) the masses. 😀 My interests are interesting to me, but wouldn’t necessarily appeal to anyone else…
Anyway, the thing is, we go in and out of denial all the time. Which may seem incredible, considering the very existence of all of us. And that is really the only solid proof that we have that anything happened. The memories, the triggers, and the physical and psychological symptoms, can all be explained, rationalized, or denied back into nonexistence but we cannot. Without the memories and symptoms, there is still a huge system of different people wrapped up into one body, and we came from somewhere.
Based on putting all the pieces together, here is a theory about what might have happened. I’m not saying this is definitely what happened, no question. Who really knows, at this point. But this is one possibility, with a billion variations available for all the details.
When the body was born, we lived very close to someone who was part of a cult. We were in regular and extended contact with this person during that time, and regularly, even after we moved away, until their death years later when we were an older teen. It is possible that that person/local cult group is the source of some of the memories and S/RA in our memory.
The American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, in discussing Dissociative Identity Disorder (which says some things in the same article that we don’t agree with, BTW), cites one of the factors in developing D.I.D. as “absence of safe and nurturing resources to overwhelming abuse or trauma.” What we DO know, and have verified more than once, is that our mother was going through an extremely difficult time before and after our birth. Our conception itself was not exactly planned, and the timing was seen as somewhat unfortunate.
To compound that situation, some catastrophic family events (which I will not discuss here in case of privacy issues that Jade may feel strongly about) occurred right around the same time and left her in a very negative emotional state. This was not her fault. But – again, this is speculation alone – all of those things put together, I think, made it either difficult or maybe even impossible for her to bond with us, and us with her. Our father, as the breadwinner, was gone working a lot.
My mother did not nurse me as a baby – also NOT a judgment statement, neither for or against her or anyone else, although the bonding that occurs with nursing can be scientifically proven – and she has also claimed that having me sleep in the same room with her made her too anxious to sleep, so I was sent to sleep elsewhere.
All of these factors, when considered together, offer a possible explanation as to how and when things started. As far as the extent of the S/RA, and how and why our system is so elaborately designed, I believe we might have possibly been an experiment. Again, this is PURELY MY OPINION based on limited information, intuition, and speculation.
There will never be a way to know for sure. The people involved are dead or permanently unknown, due to intentionally hiding or obscuring their identities in every memory. I think it’s possible that in the wake of the MK-ULTRA information becoming de-classified, this group had the chance to find out whether mind control was real and could really be achieved. I don’t think we were ever slated for government-level use, but I think attempts were made to program us in such a way that we were a model, or possibly a guinea pig, for this group of people. Our system is too elaborate and detailed, and too intentionally organized, to be spontaneously created…even without the blatant references to programming, programmers, codes, and other MC terminology.
When we grew up and older, we were geographically removed, although still in regular contact with the person who might have been involved. Eventually the main related person who could have been the access point for us, passed away and, I think, the connection weakened. Years later, after many, many apparently-unfounded psychological problems, including (but not limited to) attachment issues, severe depression, self-mutilation/cutting and suicide attempts at very young ages, eating disorders, phobias, and a file the size of a telephone book chronicling physical and mental illnesses and (mis)diagnoses, the amnesic walls started breaking down, and memories started leaking through. “Dissociative Identity Disorder” was really the only thing that actually seemed to FIT in a way that nothing else ever had. It was somewhat of a relief, although the repercussions were and still are significant.
Anyway, that is some of the back story, in case anyone wanted to know. --Chloe