• Jade

How to Permanently Screw Up a Child

I have wrestled with posting this at all.  I wrote it the other day when I was angry over a situation that (I felt) should not have been so triggering for me…yet it was.  I was angry at everyone I’ve ever known and not known who did and does bad things to children.  I am still angry.

I think I just need to be honest and say that.


The post makes me nauseous.  If I do, in fact, leave it up and live, I WANT THE FOLLOWING TO BE MADE CLEAR:  THIS IS SARCASM.  This post is SARCASM AND SARCASM ONLY.  This is not a genuine “how to” anything.  If anything, if you read it, go immediately after you’re done and hug and kiss and hold and encourage and bless your children, or whoever’s children you can find if you don’t have any.  Tell them they’re loved.  Tell them they’re beautiful and capable and that who they are inside is special and wonderful.  This post is absolutely not under any circumstances meant to be taken as serious suggestions.  I’m pissed that I should even have to say that.  But in this day and age, I actually do.  God help us.

So here it is.  I still don’t know how I feel about it.  Again, I wrote it when I was angry, because some days, I’m just pissed that after so many years I AM STILL SO MESSED UP.  These things were not my fault.  I didn’t choose them.  But here I am, an adult, still dealing with the repercussions of someone else’s choices.  No matter how much I heal, no matter how far I’ve come and will go, I will deal with these things the rest of my life.  No person, no child would choose this.  No child would choose such a life that would make them despair of it and try at the ripe old age of 12 years old to commit suicide for the first time, to the confusion and consternation of everyone around them.  I’m not saying these things to make anyone feel sorry for me.  This is just reality.  Here’s the post.

How to Permanently Screw Up a Child

1)      Make sure you don’t ever hug them, kiss them, or touch them in an appropriate or safely loving way.  If you do touch them, catch them off guard and make it hurt as much as possible.  The more suddenly, the better.  Bonus points if they have no clue beforehand (by words or facial expressions or body language) that you’re even displeased with them, or thinking anything about them at all.

2)      Abuse them, physically and emotionally and spiritually. Let other people abuse them as well.  Make sure the kids can’t or won’t identify anyone.  Make them too scared to tell anyone what’s happening, and/or make sure anyone who might be told would have no reason to believe or listen to the child.  Limit the child’s interaction with outsiders.  Confuse them about what is happening.  Call it something else that wouldn’t sound suspicious to anyone.

3)      Make everything the child’s fault.  Use your imagination and link everything that happens to them back to something the child said, did, or thought.  Emphasize that nothing ever is or possibly could be YOUR fault.  Convince them that if they could only act decently, there would be happy and good things happening instead of bad things.

4)      Focus completely on behavior and performance.  Totally ignore the child’s thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and hopes…except, of course, for the sole purpose of using said things against the child.  Demand perfection, or if in the absence of perfection, exhaustion.

5)      Change your behavior on a daily and even hourly basis.  Pass the child around to others who will do the same.  Do not let the child perceive anything routine, predictable, or reliable about you or your schedule, or anyone’s.  Keep them guessing as to what you will do, when you will appear or disappear, where they will be taken and what time, and why.

6)      Do not give them food or water on any particular schedule.  If they ask for it, punish them.  If you offer it and they accept it without your approval, punish them.  Teach them that expressing hungers and thirsts of any kind is forbidden.  If they are given something and they don’t like it or don’t finish it all when you want them to, punish them.  If they hide food for later, punish them.

7)      Do not allow questions under any circumstances.  Do not allow situations in which they feel entitled to relax.  Do not allow situations in which they feel entitled to anything, period.  Do not let them perceive themselves as humans who should be considered as such.

8)      But treat them nicely and sweetly sometimes.  This may sound counterproductive but it will reinforce their confusion.  Suggest that you do everything for their own good and that they should be grateful you are so dedicated to helping them overcome themselves.  Trick them into bonding with you.  When you change from being nice back to being not nice, make sure it is random.

9)      Force them to do things that go super strongly against their God-given conscience.  Make them believe that you will ensure something far worse will happen to them if they don’t obey you in this endeavor.  After they’ve obeyed, make sure they know what they did was unspeakably awful and that they did it because they were too weak to say no, and that furthermore, they will surely be condemned on judgment day.  Drive home the idea that God is angry at them, disappointed in them, and disgusted with them.

10)   Scare them as much as possible, in as many ways as possible, and let them know that no matter what, they’re on their own.  No one – not you, not God, not anyone else – is going to help or comfort or listen to them.  Do not let them sleep or rest or take any kind of overt “break” from their lives.

I probably won’t be writing on the weekend.  I have other non-computer-y things to do, particularly in my quest of pursuing life and peace now that I’m old enough to choose. Cheers. ~J8

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