Dear Little Ones and Normalizing Fragmentation
I regret that I don’t have as much time to write right now. I can’t go into details but my life has been utterly batshit crazy for almost a year – NOT in a bad way. But just in ways that keep me from doing a lot of writing. I am well. And I think of you all every single day.
So I need to let you know about a decision I’ve been on the fence about for the past 6 months, and have finally decided to move ahead with. Here it is:
I’m going to be making a change to the Dear Little Ones books; it may seem like a minor thing to some people, but for others it may feel big.
I’m taking out the subtitle.
If you look at the covers, both books have the subtitle “Dissociative Identity Disorder for Young Alters.”
That’s going to go away.
Now listen, if you’re the kind of person who reads that and thinks, “Who cares? Big whoop.” –then awesome, the rest of this post will probably bore you to death and you might prefer to find something more interesting to do than keep reading. 😉 And that’s okay. 🙂 But if you or your little ones have questions or concerns, I want to take the rest of this post and tell you why and where I’m coming from with this decision.
When I originally wrote Dear Little Ones, I wrote it specifically for DID systems. And I am not sorry about it, and that will never change. But as the book went further than I ever imagined it would go, I started hearing little whispers here and there that more people than just the DID community can (and need to) benefit from this book. It started with an Amazon review that said something like “great book, off-putting title” and how they used it with trauma clients but tried to keep the title hidden because a lot of them would not identify themselves as DID, so the title would have scared them off. I ignored all these whispers for at least another year, because I was obstinate in my intent. The books were written for (self-identifying) multiples, and in my mind, that was that. But I have also had even recent experiences where I’ve suggested taking a look at the book but with the caveat that they ignore the subtitle. And the book was helpful.
I believe my intent, though pure, has served to limit the potential of the book, in this situation.
I am one of those people who is profoundly affected by the world; I listen, I watch people, I pay attention, I feel the emotions of other people swirling around me, I absorb the unspoken messages and I take the pulse – so to speak – of everything around me. It’s constant, involuntary.
Guys. It’s a mess. The world is a mess. It’s so very broken. So many people need healing.
As I’ve contemplated changing Dear Little Ones for these past 6 months, I’ve come to the realization that if I could do one major thing with my life, it would be to “normalize” fragmentation. Not in the sense that it’s not already normal, because it is – but normalize it in the minds and awareness of the public. To me, that is one baby step closer to de-stigmatizing Dissociative Identity Disorder, and probably all dissociative disorders. Dissociation is a very normal and human thing. We all do it. The degree to which we do it may differ, but it’s so very common. People just don’t realize it.
I believe – whether naive or not – that Dear Little Ones has the power to go mainstream. And I think, if that’s what it takes to start turning the tide of public opinion about fragmentation, then changing the books is a necessary and important thing to do.
Maybe I will change the books and it will get exactly the same amount of readership as it’s always had. If that’s the case, I’m perfectly okay with that. I’m not looking for more attention for the book because I like attention. If that were the case, I wouldn’t use a pen name and I’d probably give out my personal details. 😉 I want the book to find the people who need to read it. And if a subtitle is stopping that, then I hope that removing the subtitle will help. If nothing changes, I won’t be sad.
But maybe I will change the books and more and more people will start getting their hands on the books and benefiting from the realization that we are all a bit fragmented — and that that’s normal, and that’s okay — and maybe they will be able to heal from it a bit. Maybe the public opinion on this will start to loosen up and dissociation can become more normalized. Maybe people will start to realize this isn’t a super-human, extraordinary, circus side-show that should be associated with freaks and psychopaths and criminals. Maybe people will recognize themselves in all of this, and the stereotypes and stigmas will start to break.
I do know that this can take a lot of time, and I may not see this happen within my lifetime. And it may not (or to be more accurate: certainly will not) begin and end with this tiny little decision. I get that. I think I’m just hoping that in some maybe small way, this is a step in the right direction. This is my small contribution to making space for multiples to be ourselves – with no stigma – in the world. And creating opportunities for people who hadn’t realized or considered themselves to be fragmented, to heal. And the more healing we can achieve individually, the more healed the world will be collectively.
I want to make space for any questions or concerns there might be. If you or your little people have anything to ask or say, please let me know. If you don’t want to comment, you can email me. I’m the same place I’ve always been, and you can write any time. It may take me a few days to respond but I try to get back to everyone who writes when I can.